


memories

by odetodun



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Implied Feelings, M/M, i was sad when I wrote this, one sided maybe, pure angst, this isn’t romantic at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 20:03:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12239730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odetodun/pseuds/odetodun
Summary: Richie knows you always forget.





	memories

When you leave Derry, you forget. Richie learnt that the first time. His entire childhood whisked away from his brain like a gust of wind tearing through trees. Small flashes, nameless faces and places tried to trickle back but nothing was strong enough.  
It took a call from Mike Hanlon for the memories to come falling into place. Bill, Stan, Bev, Ben, Mike and Eddie. Eddie Kaspbrak who clung to medication and his inhaler like it was a matter of life and death. Eddie, the only one with enough wit to retort back to Richie’s stupid mouth.  
‘Trashmouth Tozier’  
Richie heard in Eddie’s childlike tone.  
Clinging to the door handle of this stupid fucking car, Richie felt a trigger of emotions. Leaving Derry the second time was even harder than the first. The first time, Eddie had waved him off with a pained expression. But the first time Eddie had been alive.  
Now, Richie hoped and prayed the memories would tumble away from him. Because as he closed his eyes to take a deep breath, lifeless eyes stared back at him. Lifeless eyes that once belonged to the most vivacious boy Richie had ever known.  
‘Don’t call me Eds’  
Richie heard the faint whisper, projected in his mind as it had in the walls of the sewer. Richie had cried, cried like he had never known. A last touch to a cheek and an unfinished sentence was Richie got. All he got from a man who had shaped Richie into the person he was today without even knowing. Or had Eddie known?  
Had Eddie known that Richie adored him?  
Had Eddie known that despite his memory falling away, Richie often dreamt of a small boy with a cheeky grin and a sharp mouth?  
Richie almost smiled, smiled at the distinct memory of Eddie Kaspbrak. Eddie who had once freaked out so bad over a weed touching his foot he almost drowned. Eddie who laughed louder than anyone he knew - even at Richie’s terrible jokes. Eddie who became the bravest, smartest person when needed. Who stuck up to his overbearing mother when he knew his best friends were in danger. Eddie Kaspbrak who was Richie’s first, and only, love.  
And now, like a weight sunk into his chest he was struck with the realisation he would never see him again. Eddie’s body lay in a cold, dirty sewer and Richie would never see him again. 

“The airport sir” the driver said, ripping Richie from his thoughts. 

“Thank you my kind sir” Richie mocked a jovial voice, handing him some cash that definitely contained a healthy tip. Richie got out, was handed his bags and the driver left. Richie’s body felt heavy as he moved, everything felt slow.  
‘Richie Tozier, you get up and you move. Like your life depends on it, because it sort of does Trashmouth. You move on and you save us like you always do, please? For me, your Ed’s’  
That voice lingered in his head, forcing him to take the steps to his way home. Home. What a stupid concept, home wasn’t a place. Home was where you belonged and mere hours ago Richie’s only home was torn apart.  
‘C’mon Trashmouth, get on with it’  
The voice said again, this time Richie laughed out loud. Even from the fucking grave, Eddie was running his mouth.  
Richie ended up on his plane and after a few days in California his memory became blotchy. But every night without fail, those lifeless eyes stared up at him. 

——————-

“What should we call him?” Richie’s wife beamed up at him, face red and sticky from childbirth. 

“Eddie” Richie said, not truly knowing where the name came from but it felt right.

“Hello little Eddie” she cooed and something far back tugged at Richie’s mind. But for now, he looked at his newly formed family and smiled. Eddie was just right.

**Author's Note:**

> IM SORRY LMAO i didn’t even mean for this to be so sad but i love my sons a lot


End file.
